@JD_KC

The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading “blink if you’re being held against your will”

@JD_KC

You can’t fix stupid but you can fantasize about slapping the shit out of it.

@JD_KC

Please stop throwing my only possession.
~dogs everywhere

@JD_KC

House is clean. Time to sell the children and move.

@JD_KC

The goldfish just gave me the “just flush me” look. No way pal. If I have to stay so do you.