They’re calling the Patriot thing “Deflategate?” I was hoping they’d go with “Ball-o-caust.”
I know my computer doesn’t have a virus because I’ve never had an 8-bit skull and crossbones pop up onscreen laughing.
My brain knows that there’s a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
Just because I quit smoking doesn’t mean I gave up getting up and randomly leaving the room for 10 minutes.
“And if all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you make up a story about jumping off a bridge too?”– Teen Brian Williams’ mother
People belittle the internet “talking about a dress” as if we’re busy solving problems otherwise.
“It’s a competition, I didn’t come here to make friends.” — Jerry, the 1st contestant eliminated on this season’s “Friendmakers”.
The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma.