It’s not an argument. I’m right, and you’re just saying things.
The pottery scene in “Ghost,” except you’re slowly but steadily pushing the other person’s face into the clay.
When someone compliments you, etiquette dictates that you respond with “That is accurate.”
What I say: “Agree to disagree”
What I really mean: “You are dumb and I will allow you to stay that way”
Overheard:
“I think that creepy guy is listening to our conversation.”
Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There’s nothing to be learned from that much profanity.
Picture someone you think is kinda/sorta attractive.
Now picture them holding a pizza box.
I’m inventing a new holiday where you take back one gift you previously gave someone.
Overheard:
“Why is this guy listening to our conversation?”
HER: I think we should see other people.
ME: I don’t. We’re awful. We should leave other people alone.
Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it.
[engineer looking at blueprints]
“Well, here’s your problem right here. You built this thing on rock and roll.”
ALIEN: You Earthlings have many technological advances. How do you predict the weather?
ME: We pull a rodent out of a box.
Before I get out of an elevator, I hug every single person in there with me and whisper in their ear “You’ve taught me so much.”
If you have twin girls and don’t dress them like in “The Shining” and make them stand in hallways, you’ve squandered a precious gift.