Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Jandalize's best tweets

@Jandalize : It doesn't take long after becoming a parent to figure out why the people that wrote nursery rhymes sounded like they were drunk.

@Jandalize: Bacon is my favorite dietary supplement.

@Jandalize: I met a girl named Felicia tonight. Couldn't wait to tell her bye.

@Jandalize: I still cook my turkey the old fashioned way, I let my mom do it.

@Jandalize: I saw a smart car pass a Jeep today. The Jeep was parked on the side of the road, but still.

@Jandalize: Picture me naked.
Wrong.
More plates of nachos stacked around me.

@Jandalize: Every time I steal lunch from the office fridge I can't help but think, I wish my coworkers would pack larger lunches.

@Jandalize: I do my best yoga when I'm trying to reach an M&M that rolled under my desk.

@Jandalize: Hoping all my fellow North Carolinians are staying safe. Except my 7th grade boyfriend. I hope that dude ends up in China.

@Jandalize: Sorry your team lost. Maybe you should've told the players what to do more loudly from your recliner.