Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@Jandalize

Good morning to everyone except people that can tell the difference between ‘Under Pressure’ and ‘Ice Ice Baby’ as soon at the song starts.

@Jandalize

Got banned from helping my granddaughter write sentences with spelling words. Apparently third graders can’t write about tequila.

@Jandalize

Quick! I’m doing my taxes. Is it normal to get $76,000 back when you make $60,000?

@Jandalize

I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. What’s the quickest way to erase a year of bad decisions?

@Jandalize

I’m fairly certain my dogs would run away and hide if I’m ever attacked by a leaf.

@Jandalize

Why haven’t we tried telling our kids they have to stay 6 feet away from us? Do I have to think of everything?

@Jandalize

If I had two brownies, I’d give you one

little corner off of one