Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket.
Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
If getting a tan is wrong then I don’t wanna be white.
I love when I open my dryer door and money falls out instead of my cat.
Note to self: just because my phone has a camera, that does not make me a photographer or a porn star.
My 16yo daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it’s ok to leave her alone with him.
Forgot to tie my bikini top back before I stood up from sunbathing on the beach. Now I know how to get help carrying my chairs to the car.
If I’m napping in my car, don’t wake me up
unless I’m driving