Can’t. I’m busy taking this buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.
Me: It’s late, and I’m so tired.
My brain: Let’s find a word that rhymes with tequila.
I don’t forgive or forget. I make voodoo dolls.
If you bring a child into a store and give that child a whistle, just know everyone in there will be a suspect in your murder.
The year is almost over, and I haven’t stabbed anyone. My New Year’s resolution is to do better.
One little typo and Secret Santa becomes Secret Satan and nobody asks you to plan the Christmas gift exchange again.
I love those friendships that are based on a shared admiration for wood chippers and deep freezers.
I like to watch the murder shows on Investigation Discovery so I don’t make the same mistakes those killers did.
My OnlyFangs is just me snapping my teeth at the camera and biting someone occasionally.
People will stop talking to you if you challenge them to a rap duel.