Birds are weird. Could you imagine if we all woke up at 5 a.m. and just started hollering at each other across the whole neighborhood?
Good thing we got these tiny handheld computers to do our yelling for us, or else we’d look like IDIOTS.
Me: I brought you some bird seed.
Rad Pigeon: Coo’
I’m out here thumping watermelons like someone will murder my entire family if I pick the wrong one.
Bloodmobile: Sir, for the last time, this isn’t a food truck.
Dracula: Theez iz some bullshit.
Inside you are two Cookie Monster. One want cookie. The other want more cookie.
*removing hair clog from drain*
Well wookiee here
O-mi-cron, Becky. Look at that variant.
If I ever get burned at the stake, I’m filling my pockets with popcorn kernels to make a nice snack for the audience.
I’ll take 2 tacos and one jail marriage…
[Shopping for Deodorant]
I’m gonna get the same kind I always do, but I better sniff it first to make sure I still like it.
I once made a mistake with plurals.
It was an amazing feet.