Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?
That’s someone else’s problem.
-me, putting back a pen that wouldn’t write
🎶It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap🎶
New PR on the treadmill today…I was able to hang 5 shirts and 3 pairs of pants
To think, these Olympic divers were once annoying kids making their parents “watch this” as they did the same exact lame dive 37 times in a row
My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.
I’m already over this Barbie movie. I’m waiting for “Easy-Bake Oven” to hit theaters.
Shout out to weather for giving me SOMETHING to talk about when I encounter neighbors.
No one EVER looks surprised when you tell them you cut your own hair.
Neighbor’s garden looking so good, I have peonies envy.
It absolutely scares me to death that I’M the voice of reason in this house.
A piece of bacon fell on the heating element when I was taking it out of the oven and I saved it without a moment’s hesitation. So that rush of adrenaline that gives parents the strength to lift a car off their kid?
I get it.
You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.
I’m not average. I’m mean.
An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.