@Jay_FrickinLynn

He pasta way? Here today, gone tomato. You cannoli do so much before thyme is up. Never sausage a tragedy. Olive my thoughts are with you.

@Jay_FrickinLynn

I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.

@Jay_FrickinLynn

Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I’m too dumb to understand what it means.

Let’s see how he likes the name Microphallus

@Jay_FrickinLynn

Britney is stranded on an island
Britney is starving
Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks
Britney sees a fish
Britney Spears

@Jay_FrickinLynn

Excuse me, ma’am. Your car doesn’t make you invisible, but I am super impressed by how far you just got your finger up your nose.

@Jay_FrickinLynn

Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom?

Can I freeze my two year old until I’m ready?

@Jay_FrickinLynn

Asked my son what he wanted for dinner. He said cheese. A good mom doesn’t let her kid eat cheese for dinner.

This cheese is delicious.