My wife found a spider in the shower.
Anyway, the open house is this Saturday if you’re interested.
*sends epic tweet*
[no likes 3 hours later]
*waits 2 weeks, sends again*
[no likes 1 day later]
NSA: dude, let it go
Wife: where do you want to go to eat?
Me: you pick
Wife: I’m craving kale
Me: I’ll pick
All rooms are panic rooms if there is no iPhone charger
How many glasses of wine equals two servings of fruit?
Asking for a friend.