Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the “life of the party.”
I posted “Happy Almost Mother’s Day!” on this chick I grew up with’s Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.
Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn’t have an earring.
Sorry, but your kids don’t look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.
Is it “butt” naked or “buck” naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable.
‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
I’ve never seen Les Misérables, but it looks like a cool movie about people who sing while working at Urban Outfitters.
Saw a girl wearing a hoodie, shorts and UGGs. My stepdaughter said, “Seasonally challenged sluts are the worst.” I am beyond proud.
I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like ‘Loves Abortions Brenda’ or ‘Eats Her Feelings Julie’.
I’m so confused when the TV voice before a show I’m about to watch says, “For mature audiences only.” Can I watch or not?
Surprise parties for Lindsey Lohan probably have that “Intervention-y” feeling at first.
My Mormon neighbor said it was rude I assumed her husband’s surprise birthday party invitation was also an invitation to be her sister wife.
‘Black Swan’ is on HBO 2 if anyone wants to watch Natalie Portman masturbate in front of her stuffed animals.
This is gonna be the worst sex tape ever. RT @KimKardashian: What you gonna do when you have Hulk Hogan in the house!!?!!
Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.