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Page of JermHimselfish's best tweets

@JermHimselfish : Rand Paul's full name is Random Politician

@JermHimselfish: *sees a baby deer drinking from a stream*
*very quietly pulls out phone*
*likes Ice-T on Facebook*

@JermHimselfish: *walking away from the big rap battle*
"How did he know that I'm lactose intolerant?"

@JermHimselfish: The average Hollywood producer green-lights 8 Spiderman reboots in his sleep

@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.

@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood

@JermHimselfish: Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they say "worthwild"

@JermHimselfish: *holding a rattlesnake in each hand*
These are the angriest maracas I've ever played

@JermHimselfish: Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad

Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back

@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.