@JermHimselfish: *sees a baby deer drinking from a stream*
*very quietly pulls out phone*
*likes Ice-T on Facebook*
@JermHimselfish: *walking away from the big rap battle*
"How did he know that I'm lactose intolerant?"
@JermHimselfish: The average Hollywood producer green-lights 8 Spiderman reboots in his sleep
@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.
@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood
@JermHimselfish: Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they say "worthwild"
@JermHimselfish: *holding a rattlesnake in each hand*
These are the angriest maracas I've ever played
@JermHimselfish: Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad
Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back
@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.