I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.
It’s amazing how eating such a small amount of dog food can cause such a large amount of concern from the people at the pet store.
The eyes are the window to the soul which is why I’m throwing pebbles at your face.
My insomnia has it’s own toothbrush in my bathroom.
I hate when I find a show on TV that I like and I start to get into it and then I realize that it’s my neighbor’s window and he looks angry.
I just tripped and stumbled into a group of asian kids on the street and accidentally won a breakdancing competition.
Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all.
In spite of what you might have heard, some pretty magical things happen behind dirty dumpsters in shady alleys.
I suffer from a rare condition called OCDC, which forces me to salute all of those who are about to rock.
If my girlfriend doesn’t start being nicer to me, I’m totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this shitty relationship for 2 more years.
I just saw Madonna climb out of a hollowed out tree trunk in the woods near my house.
Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.
I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.