2019: starts making risotto
2021: almost done but not quite
*stops drinking liquids at 5pm*
BLADDER AT 3AM: still not good enough
My bluetooth headphones just paired with a car driving by like they were trying to escape
[playing flight simulator]
this is your captain speaking: the alcohol is now free and we’re landing in a volcano
ME: i’d like a Big Bacon Classic, Chili Cheese Fries, and Coke
CASHIER: sir, this is a Wendy’s
ME:
CASHIER: sorry it’s just a reflex, we get a lot of weirdos here