@JiminyKicksIt

Interviewer: “So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

Me: “My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly.”

@JiminyKicksIt

I’m not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during “If I Could Turn Back Time” does she mention killing Hitler.

@JiminyKicksIt

It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

@JiminyKicksIt

I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it ‘cuz it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.