“HR says I’m not allowed to play horseshoes in the hallway anymore. They say it’s dangerous and it alarms the tenants on the floor below.”
“HR? You don’t have a job.”
“Tell them that.”
When I first heard the term hang gliding I thought the Americans had invented something even more theatrical than the electric chair.
I already tried new things thanks.
This day in history. 1973. Pablo Picasso died in France leaving behind his wife, 4 children, and a dog with piano key teeth and a halibut for a tail.
I exercise by keeping the whisky bottle on the far side of the room.
Always leave them wanting their money back.
As soon as the tide comes in it’s over for you beaches.
My work here is don’t.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t know me at all do you?”
Hate is a strong word. I need a stronger one.
I have so many mistakes. It’s hard to choose a favourite.
“To boldly go where no one has gone before.”
“What?”
“I said boldly go where no one has gone before.”
“What happened to the to?”
“It split.”
Before you harm any of your co-workers please consider the potential negative impact of prison on your Twitter time.
I only tell jokes so someone will explain them to me.
It’s the same old story. Boy meets girl. Girl doesn’t exist.