Stop burning bridges. They’re not even good kindling. Just use sticks.
When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.
Some of your neighbors’ doors are too sophisticated to be unlocked with a credit card. For everything else, there’s MasterCard®.
Know who put dinosaur bones in the ground? Dinosaurs. They WANTED us to think they were extinct. And now they’re waiting. Waiting to strike.
The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. Keep that in mind next time you find yourself in a scuffle.
It’s impossible to lick your elbow. You never let me. Please. I want this.