@JohnnyCrash5

Friend: How come you didn’t come to my babyshower?
Me: Oh I’m sorry but I passed away.

@JohnnyCrash5

[First date & I’m super nervous]
Her: Are you ok?
Me: yesh.
Her: did u just say yesh?
Me: um Nosh.

@JohnnyCrash5

Getting a woman:

1.Select the woman u like
2. Lick her face
3. She is now yours take her home

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I’ve been arrested 10 times

@JohnnyCrash5

*Eats a Lean Cuisine

*20 minutes go by.

*Devours entire Pizza Hut store…including employees.

@JohnnyCrash5

If my dog barks at you we can’t be friends, also, I hate you too.