My favorite things about Texas are definitely our toast and our chainsaw massacres.
“Chicks dig a bad boy,” I say as I write ‘POOPIE’ in crayon all over her bedroom walls.
My first act as governor? Switching the tornado sirens out with C&C Music Factory’s Everybody Dance Now.
This 4th of July, please remember…
Legally you’re obligated to say “I’ll be glad when all this construction is finished” any time you drive through construction.
A new day and another chance to turn it all around. [sitcom laughter]
Me: Give me your tenderest of loins.
Butcher: That’s not… Please don’t order it that way.