One of my coworkers didn’t show up to work this morning so I had to wait on half the restaurant by myself for brunch and I said he better be in jail and it turned out he was in jail
In my 20s: I’ll show them
In my 30s: I probably won’t show them
Jeff Bezos could afford to buy one large candy bar for every American on Halloween but he doesn’t
Everyone thought you could get a writing job from twitter but that never happens anymore its only for things like becoming the president