I’m putting on weight for a movie
*eats popcorn in cinema
I’m completely over my ex, is the name of my poem to her
Let’s move on now. if I had a pound for every time I heard a Brexit joke this week I’d nearly have a Euro.
Money’s missing from under my pillow, I think I’ve been visited by the teef fairy.
We’ve run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops.
With all the ways to contact me on social media these days the police still smash through my door unannounced again?
I caught my nephew doing drugs with me last night.
Not saying I’m special but kids these days never have any money behind their ears.
My Dad used to do a great Darth Vader impression, by being a really bad father.
Double whammy. First date is turning out to be fun & I also go to meet my hero Chris Hansen from Catch a Predator.
Before I proposed to my GF I asked her father but he was already married.
My Uncle is either a good taxidermist or a bad vet.
Bit creepy of my maths teacher to put a little kiss after each answer.