I ran 5 miles this morning. That bee was huge!
My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”
Hi, I’m Emma. My hobbies include:
1. Not cleaning
2. Not cooking and
3. Not doing laundry.
Him: It’s going to be in the mid-70’s tomorrow. What should I wear?
Me: I don’t know…bell bottoms?
I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.
Our dachshund swallowed a slinky. You should see him going down the stairs.
I wrote myself a note to be more organized. It’s here somewhere.
My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with Preparation H.
You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.
I bought some Prevagen to improve memory, focus, and concentration. Now, where did I put it… I just had it a minute ago… Anyway, what was I saying?
My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.
Our doorbell is broken so we called someone over to fix it. He might be here already. There’s no way to tell.
I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.
If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.
Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “disconcerting”?