@KateQFunny

Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says “Don’t Bother Me,” so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.

@KateQFunny

Hair Dresser: You could get extensions to add length.

Me: You could stop cutting.

@KateQFunny

TIP: Always carry a motorcycle helmet with u. Then u never have to do your hair & u can blame it on safety & the law & stuff.

#lifehacks

@KateQFunny

Me: What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you’re calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

@KateQFunny

Running out of time to be a Trophy Wife, so now just hoping to be an I Finished The Race Tshirt Wife.

@KateQFunny

Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I’m taking a morning after pill NOW.