Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KateWouldHaveIt's best tweets

@KateWouldHaveIt : My son just showed me something he made and asked “Do you like it, or do you love it?” and those are the only options I’m giving people from now on

@KateWouldHaveIt: My kid woke up sick and told me he was gonna eat a bunch of junk food since ‘obviously vitamins don’t work’ and I think we should consider his position

@KateWouldHaveIt: "Are you fine being hugged while you pee?" is a question someone should've asked me before I had kids.

@KateWouldHaveIt: Welcome to parenting: You didn’t eat any, but you have syrup on you now.

@KateWouldHaveIt: My son just said he’s going to call me “Squishy” to match my stomach and now I need to have another kid just so I can have a favorite

@KateWouldHaveIt: All I’m saying is that I’ve chaperoned a 25 student class field trip and you’re definitely in trouble if you lose even one of them.

@KateWouldHaveIt: Before you ask me to proofread anything, know that I spent 30 years thinking "FAQs" was short for "Facts".

@KateWouldHaveIt: Me: <throws caution to the wind>
Also Me: <panics and gathers up as many pieces of caution as possible before they scatter>