Follow your dreams
Eat that cake
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Cut your own hair
Dye it too
Go on the run
Dance in moonlight
Hold your loved one close
Closer
Steal their soul
Offer it to Cthulhu
Write a children’s book
Illustrate it too
Love yourself
Imagine
being my friend involves faking enthusiasm whenever I say “look how long my hair is getting”
I’ll make sure my house is clean when you first come over to visit
But after that I don’t care because you’ve seen it clean once
If you ghost me, I assume one of two things happened
1: you fell in love with me really quickly and overwhelmingly and you couldn’t handle it and knew I would ruin your life forever because of how amazing I am
2: you died
Light as a feather, smorg as a board
I’m the kind of friend that will send you a fake emergency text to get you out of a bad date
But also the kind of friend that will make it say:
“Grandma is in the hospital. She fell off her skateboard again”
my mom: fix this for me
also my mom: no, not like that
still my mom: it’s not working
mom: wait it is now
Gonna start saying “that’s what they want you to believe” whenever anyone disagrees with me
my date last night:
– tried really hard to get me to go home with him
– accidentally spilled his milkshake in my car
– left me to clean it up
– texted me this morning that he’s getting back together with his exdating is fun, you guys
#katesdates
I don’t steal the blankets. Gravity is just heavier on my side of the bed
If I’m at your house and you’ve got a grocery list on the fridge, I’m adding stuff to it and not telling you
what if mayonnaise was like peanut butter and either creamy or crunchy
My Quarantine Routine:
8:30 get woken up by dogs
8:40 let dogs out
8:52 let dogs in
11:51 let dogs out
12:20 let dogs in
4:47 let dogs out
4:59 let dogs in
7:14 let dogs out
7:38 let dogs in
8:16 let dogs out
8:18 let dogs in
10:20 let dogs out
10:25 let dogs in
Me: *points at romantic relationships*
God: *slaps my hand* NO
[walking somewhere]
My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!