My husbands pet name for me is “What did you do to the non-stick pan?”
The secret to a happy marriage is having the same definition of clean.
One of my greatest fears is my alarm clock learning how to defend itself.
If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I’m not kidding.
I’ll apologize for last night right after you tell me which parts you still remember.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I’m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Ignoring your text is easy. It’s having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I’m not home when you drive by that’s awkward.