Me: (plops myself next to 9 on his bed)

9: Wow. You’re heavy. You made a mini earthquake

Me: (pushes 9 off the bed)

9: What the heck was that?!

Me: Aftershock


My 4yo just realized he could raise both his eyebrows at the same time

He now does it every time he makes eye contact with me and it looks like we are in cahoots orchestrating the most diabolical plan ever


I don’t always drop things when looking in the fridge, but when I do, it’s a Costco size box of blueberries


Him: You need to ease up on always picking out the things I do wrong

Me: You make it sound like I do it all the time!

Him: Even when I’m doing good, you have to find a mista…

Me: “Well”…when you’re doing “well”


Me: Go on…


7: Mommy look!

Me: Ok

7: Look at me!

Me: I’m looking

7: Look!

Me: I AM!

7: Why aren’t you looking?!

Me: OMG I’m looking! I’m staring right at you!

7: Wow. You’ve got a temper


7: And staring is rude


The setting my husband selects for our ceiling fan makes me think his end goal is to make me fly off the bed


10: Ugh! I have a math quiz tomorrow

Me: I’ll help you. I’ll be your teacher today!

10: Omg! Why are you making this worse?!


Me: Do you want McD or KFC for dinner?

Hubs: Can’t you make something? Any ideas?

Me: Divorce


Me: You need to stop coming into our bed at night

7: I want to be next to you

Me: Aww that’s so swee…

7: You’re like an extra large hot water bag



I’ve never tried bull riding but I have held on the edge of a bed for dear life while sleeping with a toddler, so same