I don’t steal my tweets from song lyrics!


Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here.


If I don’t make some serious changes to my life, they’ll never let me into the gates of heaven.

So who can teach me how to pick a lock?


I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored


It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you’ve slept with


Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10.

Her: Do you want more kids?

Me: Hahahahahahahaha

Her: Is that a no?

Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha