*driving through the beautiful country side*
There really are endless options when it comes to dumping a corpse.
God: So the rattlesnake has one of the deadliest poisons… now what?
Angel: Put some maracas on its tail, so it’s permanently pissed off
inventor of acupuncture playing with a voodoo doll: ? ???? ?? ?? ???? ???? ???? ??????
romance is dead
this lipgloss is called mcdonalds hash brown
Me: yeah, you like that?
Him: mmhmm yeah
Me: *stopping abruptly & pointing at his mood ring* then why is that white?
If you break a mirror is it 7 years bad luck for you or the person whose head you just smashed it over?
[Me, drunk at 18]
THIS SHIT IS BANANAS
[Me, drunk now]
I SLEEP IN PAJAMAS
Me: My back molar’s really sensitive
Dentist: I’m not surprised, it’s covered in plaque
Me: *angrily shushing him* I said REALLY sensitive
Why is an antelope a completely different animal instead of two ants who fall desperately in love and romantically run away together to make a new life for themselves?