@KissabiX

*driving through the beautiful country side*

There really are endless options when it comes to dumping a corpse.

@KissabiX

God: So the rattlesnake has one of the deadliest poisons… now what?

Angel: Put some maracas on its tail, so it’s permanently pissed off

@KissabiX

inventor of acupuncture playing with a voodoo doll: ? ???? ?? ?? ???? ???? ???? ??????

@KissabiX

[during sex]

Me: yeah, you like that?

Him: mmhmm yeah

Me: *stopping abruptly & pointing at his mood ring* then why is that white?

@KissabiX

If you break a mirror is it 7 years bad luck for you or the person whose head you just smashed it over?

@KissabiX

[Me, drunk at 18]
THIS SHIT IS BANANAS
BEE
AY
EN
AY
EN
AY
ESS!

[Me, drunk now]
I SLEEP IN PAJAMAS
PEE
AY
JAY
AY
EM
AY
ESS

@KissabiX

Me: My back molar’s really sensitive

Dentist: I’m not surprised, it’s covered in plaque

Me: *angrily shushing him* I said REALLY sensitive

@KissabiX

Why is an antelope a completely different animal instead of two ants who fall desperately in love and romantically run away together to make a new life for themselves?