Funny Tweeter

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Page of KrangTNelson's best tweets

@KrangTNelson : windmills are bad bc they blow god further away from the planet, making it harder for him to hear our prayers

@KrangTNelson: guys I was hanging out at a coffeeshop/bar/restaurant and you’ll never guess what but a perfect strawman of my political enemies presented a well-constructed example of why they suck, within earshot of where I was sitting!

@KrangTNelson: [80% of bar rescue eps]

TAFFER: this employee stole $150,000 dollars from you, burned your car, and killed your dog. he says he would happily do it again. what are you gonna do?
OWNER:
TAFFER:
OWNER:
TAFFER:
OWNER:
TAFFER: you're going to fire him
OWNER: I'm going to fire him

@KrangTNelson: “where’s waldo?” is a fun book that teaches children how to properly stalk a nice man who has done nothing do deserve any of this. an indispensable resource for every young creep

@KrangTNelson: [yelling at the DJ in a crowded nightclub] DO YOU HAVE THE DUCKTAILS THEME SONG

@KrangTNelson: no, boomers, millennials did not “kill” your favorite things. we took them upstate to a farm where they can play with other dumb things nobody wants

@KrangTNelson: one time when I was a kid I was in canada on canada day but didn’t realize it was canada day and I saw a mountie on stilts so I spent the next couple of years thinking canada had stilt cops

@KrangTNelson: stop saying millennials aren’t having kids. my posts are my children and I’m deeply disappointed in all of them

@KrangTNelson: it’s extremely weird how many reporters are turning in long-read stories about how fabulously wealthy jeff bezos is when it is pretty well known that editors are only really interested in pictures of Spiderman

@KrangTNelson: I hate when millennials make up new words and demand that we all use them. people should only communicate like they did before we started making up all these words: using short grunts & hitting each other over the head with large knobbly clubs