Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of KrangTNelson's best tweets

@KrangTNelson : windmills are bad bc they blow god further away from the planet, making it harder for him to hear our prayers

@KrangTNelson: guys I was hanging out at a coffeeshop/bar/restaurant and you’ll never guess what but a perfect strawman of my political enemies presented a well-constructed example of why they suck, within earshot of where I was sitting!

@KrangTNelson: [80% of bar rescue eps]

TAFFER: this employee stole $150,000 dollars from you, burned your car, and killed your dog. he says he would happily do it again. what are you gonna do?
TAFFER: you're going to fire him
OWNER: I'm going to fire him

@KrangTNelson: “where’s waldo?” is a fun book that teaches children how to properly stalk a nice man who has done nothing do deserve any of this. an indispensable resource for every young creep

@KrangTNelson: [yelling at the DJ in a crowded nightclub] DO YOU HAVE THE DUCKTAILS THEME SONG

@KrangTNelson: no, boomers, millennials did not “kill” your favorite things. we took them upstate to a farm where they can play with other dumb things nobody wants

@KrangTNelson: one time when I was a kid I was in canada on canada day but didn’t realize it was canada day and I saw a mountie on stilts so I spent the next couple of years thinking canada had stilt cops

@KrangTNelson: stop saying millennials aren’t having kids. my posts are my children and I’m deeply disappointed in all of them

@KrangTNelson: it’s extremely weird how many reporters are turning in long-read stories about how fabulously wealthy jeff bezos is when it is pretty well known that editors are only really interested in pictures of Spiderman

@KrangTNelson: I hate when millennials make up new words and demand that we all use them. people should only communicate like they did before we started making up all these words: using short grunts & hitting each other over the head with large knobbly clubs