@KrunkedRobot

Every Coronavirus post on Facebook should just start with, “First off, I have no idea what i’m talking about.”

@KrunkedRobot

Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening.

@KrunkedRobot

My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.

@KrunkedRobot

Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station’s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.

@KrunkedRobot

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

@KrunkedRobot

Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.

@KrunkedRobot

I spend 99% of my drunk time chasing my cat around trying to give him a hug.

@KrunkedRobot

A kid at the park is wearing a Joker shirt, I am going to slowly take my coat off revealing my Batman T and shit is about to get real.

@KrunkedRobot

Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can’t be right.

@KrunkedRobot

Just burned 2000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at the grocery store.