Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of KylePlantEmoji's best tweets

@KylePlantEmoji : [restaurant]

Me: I'm gonna run into their kitchen and grab some extra cheese

Her: ... you definitely don't have permission

Me: It's actually pronounced parmesan

@KylePlantEmoji: Horse: so what happens if say, Fido were to break his leg?

Farmer: well we'd put a cast on him and he'd recover in a few weeks

Horse: oh thank God, because it's actually me who broke my leg, and I had heard some pretty crazy rumors about hey woah is that thing loaded?

@KylePlantEmoji: Baker: what should we call these delightful little pastries

Hannibal Lector: lady fingers

@KylePlantEmoji: ABC family: Halloween Harry Potter marathon

Me: love it

ABC: Christmas Harry Potter marathon

Me: I guess there are some Christmas scenes

ABC: Thanksgiving Harry Potter marathon

Me: that's an amer-

ABC: national girlfriend day Harry Potter marathon

Me: goddammit

@KylePlantEmoji: [First day as a doctor]

Patient: I got stabbed!!!

Me: is there a family history of being stabbed?

@KylePlantEmoji: Me: why did Dexter from Dexter's lab have a French accent?

Professor: I meant science questions

Me: my bad. Scientifically, why did Dexter have a French accent?

@KylePlantEmoji: Me:






Me: kinda feels like Mickey Mouse hasn't done anything in a while


Me: like we all know who he is, but

Obama: but he's not relevant enough to be The Face Of Disney™

Me: relevance, that's the word I was looking for

@KylePlantEmoji: Her: remember Jimmy Neutron?

Me: yeah, but I haven't seen it in years

Her: what was the super hero the nerdy kid loved?

Me: ultra lord, and his name was Sheen

Her: yes, thank you. When's my birthday?


Her: when's my birthday Kyle


Me: happy b-

Her: it was yesterday

@KylePlantEmoji: Me: "authenticity" is a weird concept with food. Most people would consider pizza to be more Italian than American. But the tomato only came to Italy in the 16th Century from, you guessed it, the Americas

Domino's guy: please let me go, the app knows where I am