@KylePlantEmoji

“the moon is made of cheese”

You’re an idiot

“And yet you seem to be unable to refute my claim! Is it perhaps that you have no logical rebuttal? Tis always the side with the weaker argument that must resort to name calling. 😏”

@KylePlantEmoji

I love that spiderman sits like that. That’s not a spider thing. Spiders don’t do that. But spiderman does.

@KylePlantEmoji

A fun thing you can do when making a larger purchase like a TV or refrigerator is to ask if it’s snake proof, and immediately follow it up with “the fact that you’re hesitating is concerning to me”

@KylePlantEmoji

Youtube cooking video: and you can add a little of this if you have some lying around

Me: I promise you I do not

@KylePlantEmoji

Cop: how long will it take you to hack into the kidnapper’s computer?

Me: idk, two, three hours?

Cop: you have fifteen minutes

Me: then the kid’s gonna die dude

Cop:

Me: I mean you really should have called me sooner

@KylePlantEmoji

Me: I wish my toilet was sentient

Genie: hey fun fact if you wish for a therapist I won’t count it as one of the three

@KylePlantEmoji

NASA: *clicks talk button* You folks are probably gonna wanna stay up there for a while

@KylePlantEmoji

Roses are red
Novels have pages
Your boss’s profit
Is your unpaid wages

@KylePlantEmoji

Me: check it out, this guy is selling new iPhones for $20

Her: they’re probably phoney

Me: *unvelcro-ing wallet* I hope so, they’re phones