10: Mom.
Me: What!! It’s late.
10: Beds are basically wireless chargers for humans.
I was complaining to my mom that my kids are acting out on my bday and she reminded me that when I was a teenager I ran over her foot on her bday and honestly why is she making this about her?
9: (watching YouTuber play old school Mario)
Me: That’s the game I used to play when I was a kid.
9: You were alive back then?
I tried to get fired from my job but my boss told me it’s not happening and to make her some Dino nuggets and bring her bunny to the table.
Whenever I take my kids to the zoo I think this is exactly where they belong.
I just tested negative for patience.
Me: No more talking. Good night.
10: Did you know you could throw a rock into a big body of water and be the last person to touch that rock until the end of time?
Kids: We’re bored!
Me: Why don’t you go play Uno and then fight when someone loses?
Being a mom in your 40s is putting a timer in your phone to remind yourself to be the tooth fairy.
We used to look at my mom like she was crazy when she’d scream at us but now I know this is the only way children can hear you.
Kids are fun. For example my daughter overflowed the toilet once and now she has a toilet flushing phobia.
Me: How many times do I have to ask you to brush your teeth?
10: Why is it called a building if it’s already built?
You never know what you’ll get with kids. For example I just got 18 videos of the inside of my freezer.