Excuse me waiter, but there’s an F-35 in my soup
You think you’re having a hard day? I’ve had to listen to someone chew AND lick their fingers clean
Someone once asked me to imagine not having eyelids and I’m just like no
I feel like if one pizza roll bursts then they all join in for solidarity
Of course I applaud when the food timer goes off. You don’t? Weirdo.
That’s me in the corner eating beef gravy with a fork
Like who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect
I dunno maybe go make out with a hot toaster
Wearing the same outfit two days in a row ’cause I’m practicing to be a cartoon
One day you’re bad to the bone and before you know it you’re tired to the bone
Hey, baby. I painted a fake tunnel on the side of a mountain just for you
First date idea: you buy me a castle in Scotland
I’ll totally stroke your ego while you’re replacing my windshield wipers for me ’cause I’m nice like that
My dog loses her goddamn mind when I pull a treat from behind her ear
No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness