If a necromancer isn’t someone who gives you hickies, then I’m not interested.
I’m like a Picasso. You’re not sure quite what’s going on with me, but something definitely isn’t right.
What’s the purpose of hanging plants on your porch? Is it a warning to the other plants in the neighborhood that you’re not a house to be trifled with?
An hour into this 15 minute recipe and I’m still dicing onions.
Being the father of teenagers means never trusting the tops of salt shakers ever again.
If you don’t believe nature abhors a vacuum, you should see how my dog reacts to the Roomba.
No, I didn’t get the flu shot. I just make sure to avoid people from October into April.
HER: Boxers or briefs?
ME: Depends
HER: Really? But you look so young.