Will not visit my brother because he has an air mattress and I refuse to sleep without my Chinese throwing stars
My tinder profile says I’m looking for an
Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down you’re almost there
What are you hiding in your locked instagram? sandwiches? Sunsets???? let us see your nephew!!!!
If you ever see me with one of those stick figure family bumper stickers it means I’m dead and someone is wearing my skin
I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry
Got a tattoo of my mom telling me not to get a tattoo
*makes snow angel motions in bed every morning tryna find phone*
Don’t tell me you’re coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at “the wake” or whatever