This Halloween, I’m going as the one thing more unsettling than a serial killer: someone interested in serial killers
This Halloween I’m going as that friendly guy who walked around your college campus but wasn’t even enrolled & turned out to be 28 & then disappeared completely
I wanna see this movie: begins with a car chase, but after the cars destroy a fruit stand, the rest of the film follows that fruit stand’s enraged owner as she takes revenge on the drivers. Walks the land, killing action heroes & villains, in the name of fruit stands everywhere
Everything’s free if you learn to mimic the beep of the self-checkout scanner
When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they’re saying the names of Ikea furniture.
Keep in mind that parenting guides are written by people with enough free time & financial resources to write a parenting guide.