@Lhlodder

6-year-old: I’m laughing cause your laugh makes me laugh. Your joke’s not funny though.

That stung.

@Lhlodder

Dads be like, “Picked out the t-shirt I’ll be wearing every weekend for the next 20 years.”

@Lhlodder

So NASA found evidence there’s a parallel universe next to ours and honestly if 2020 gets any worse I’m grabbing my family and we’re bookin a flight outta here. I hear flights are hella cheap right now.

@Lhlodder

Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.

@Lhlodder

My husband and I called my sweet, 85-year-old grandma to tell her I got a new job.

She congratulated us, talked for a bit, and then hung up.

Later she called me to say I should open a secret bank account and never tell my husband about it.

My grandma is fierce.

@Lhlodder

No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.

@Lhlodder

Kids are the best get-out-of-everything card. Need to cancel plans? Blame the kids. House messy? Blame the kids. Look like a slob? Blame the kids. Cranky for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Blame the kids.

@Lhlodder

Me: I’m only going to ask you to clean this mess up ONE more time.

6-year-old: That’s good. I was tired of hearing you ask.

@Lhlodder

A mom just told her kids the park is closing so they would leave without throwing fits.

Another mom overheard and said, “Uh-oh, the park is closing! Gotta go!

So I said, “Everyone’s leaving! Let’s follow them out!”

We all winked at each other and got in our cars.

Teamwork.