I SAID YES!!!!!! 💍🥂🥳🎉 i asked myself if i wanted a breakfast burrito.
girls will be like “this is my comfort movie” and it’s texas chainsaw massacre.
just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun
and on the 6th day god created coffee so thee would not commit murder or some shit like that. amen.
random dude: heeeeeeeeey
me: i know how to hide a body
my neighbor is outside hosing off her lampshades and I’m both terrified and intrigued
roses are black. so is my heart. me and fries. till death do us part.
unless you’re ryan reynolds driving a taco truck, i ain’t chasing shit
i bought a michael meyers decal for my car window and my son said if you put that on your car i’m never driving your car. aww, look at how cute he is thinking he was ever going to drive my car
plot twist: satan sold his soul to me
day 1: we’re in this together babe.
day 47: i can hear you breathing.
coffee: because shanking people is heavily frowned upon.