The airline managed to lose the in-laws luggage, but not the in-laws. *sigh*
You have beautiful eyes.
Too bad they’re attached to the head of a stark raving lunatic.
I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day.
Poached salmon on a bed of brown rice with peas or Roasted duck with polenta and organic green beans?
Choosing dog food is hard.
Before you unleash her inner goddess, try to find out if she’s channeling Aphrodite or Medusa.
Hottest day ever recorded in November and my neighbor is already installing Christmas lights. So don’t send me a fruitcake. Already got one.
So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position.
Too bad lipstick doesn’t work that way.
If he buys your drink, but you’re really not interested?
Smile at him, thank him and then stick the olive up your nose.
Talking with a 17 year-old who is ‘living life with no regrets’ reminds me of that time I got in a shouting match with a trout.
If he’s hot on your heels, dump him.
You do not want a man who looks better in your shoes than you do.