My 6yo proudly made her own breakfast this morning: “a pile of ham”
Y’all. My kids are in the bathroom plotting to stay up until midnight and have NO CLUE I can hear EVERY word of their plan to “sneak into the pantry and eat a ton of sugar”🙄
To be continued…
the most powerful ad for religion i’ve ever seen
Y’all, I’m a teletherapist and my dog just popped up in session looking all professional and shit
someone tried formatting these windows in a Word doc
Bscape Enyone Aan Can Have
my kids just finished a game of monopoly without fighting. they’re playing it wrong.
My 6yo thinks the Starbucks mermaid has two fish tails for her arms and now I can’t unsee it
let’s play a round of hopscotch 𝕆ℝ 𝔻𝕀𝔼
if i’m “mama” and you “just killed a man” i’m sorry but i’m not letting you finish your song we’ve got a body to hide, son
whenever i see a baby, i take its candy. i need the win more than the baby does.
i’ve got a bag of quarters and the afternoon off. 👀
back in the 80’s, we simply didn’t have the dog technology we do today
me: i really like miley cyrus’s new cd
my kids: what’s a cd?
me: *dies of old age*
i order my girl scout cookies from several different girl scouts so nobody has a full count of the boxes i’ve eaten i don’t have time for that negativity it’s cookie season goddammit