I’d be that girl in the movies that can’t successfully hide from the killer because my stomach growls.
I’m not saying these people are peeing in the ocean, but I’ve been on the beach for 4.5 hours with a bunch of beer drinkers and not one has left my line of sight yet.
If I unfollow you, it’s because of the new follow button or because I don’t like you. Either way I am blaming the new button.
My siblings and I used to fight over food, but we grew up. Then my child would wake from a dead sleep if I opened a candy bar and she also grew up.
Today I’m eating crackers and there is the damn dog staring at me.
If I remove any clothing at all, the man thinks it’s sexy time, so now I just step into the shower fully dressed.
Yesterday the vet asked if our cat was sleeping too much and I wondered if they knew she was, in fact, a cat.
It’s that time of year when the neighbors start longing for winter days because they’re tired of seeing me at the mailbox in my drawers.
It’s possible to eat 7 and a half Tillamook cheese snack portions before you feel sick. Someone had to find out for the rest of you.
I can take 15 years off my appearance by stealing your glasses.
I thought that raisin on the floor was a bug and then I thought that’s gross, someone brought raisins in my house.