If you see me at a campground, that’s not me. It’s clearly a case of body snatching.
My bathroom scales need a new home. They weigh you 30 pounds over, and have slight damage from being thrown out a window, but aside from that, they’re fine.
My husband swears he doesn’t read my stupid magazines, so I guess we have a ghost that leaves my Entertainment Weekly in the bathroom.
There’s a certain kind of voodoo involved when it takes forever to lose 5 pounds, and only one cupcake to gain it back.
My husband thinks I’m overzealous with the cleaning, but a friend is coming over and she might look behind the couch. We don’t know.
Today the neighbors are blasting country music from the boom box on the back deck. Tomorrow, they’ll be looking for the boom box that used to be on their back deck.
I could look like Margot Robbie if I was younger, taller, and had a whole different face.
Sitting here reminiscing about the 3 times I went to the gym in 2019.
Sorry for the things I said when my sock got twisted up in my shoe.
My husband is outside talking to people. Tonight, he will be outside sleeping.