@LostFelicia

If you see me at a campground, that’s not me. It’s clearly a case of body snatching.

@LostFelicia

My bathroom scales need a new home. They weigh you 30 pounds over, and have slight damage from being thrown out a window, but aside from that, they’re fine.

@LostFelicia

My husband swears he doesn’t read my stupid magazines, so I guess we have a ghost that leaves my Entertainment Weekly in the bathroom.

@LostFelicia

There’s a certain kind of voodoo involved when it takes forever to lose 5 pounds, and only one cupcake to gain it back.

@LostFelicia

My husband thinks I’m overzealous with the cleaning, but a friend is coming over and she might look behind the couch. We don’t know.

@LostFelicia

Today the neighbors are blasting country music from the boom box on the back deck. Tomorrow, they’ll be looking for the boom box that used to be on their back deck.

@LostFelicia

I could look like Margot Robbie if I was younger, taller, and had a whole different face.

@LostFelicia

Sitting here reminiscing about the 3 times I went to the gym in 2019.

@LostFelicia

Sorry for the things I said when my sock got twisted up in my shoe.

@LostFelicia

My husband is outside talking to people. Tonight, he will be outside sleeping.