@LostFelicia

I’d be that girl in the movies that can’t successfully hide from the killer because my stomach growls.

@LostFelicia

I’m not saying these people are peeing in the ocean, but I’ve been on the beach for 4.5 hours with a bunch of beer drinkers and not one has left my line of sight yet.

@LostFelicia

If I unfollow you, it’s because of the new follow button or because I don’t like you. Either way I am blaming the new button.

@LostFelicia

My siblings and I used to fight over food, but we grew up. Then my child would wake from a dead sleep if I opened a candy bar and she also grew up.
Today I’m eating crackers and there is the damn dog staring at me.

@LostFelicia

If I remove any clothing at all, the man thinks it’s sexy time, so now I just step into the shower fully dressed.

@LostFelicia

Yesterday the vet asked if our cat was sleeping too much and I wondered if they knew she was, in fact, a cat.

@LostFelicia

It’s that time of year when the neighbors start longing for winter days because they’re tired of seeing me at the mailbox in my drawers.

@LostFelicia

It’s possible to eat 7 and a half Tillamook cheese snack portions before you feel sick. Someone had to find out for the rest of you.

@LostFelicia

I can take 15 years off my appearance by stealing your glasses.

@LostFelicia

I thought that raisin on the floor was a bug and then I thought that’s gross, someone brought raisins in my house.