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Page of LostFelicia's best tweets

@LostFelicia : I asked the husband to take me shopping and he said "Take yourself."
I can't wait for him to ask for sex.

@LostFelicia: My husband reprogrammed my radio stations to country so I pulled over and set the car on fire.

@LostFelicia: I once wanted to be a famous singer, but now I just go to a bunch of concerts because my hearing is good and my voice is not..

@LostFelicia: [at the mall with my husband]
Me singing softly: She's just a girl and she's on fire..
Hubby: *shoots dirty look*
Me, ignoring: Ohhhh, she's got her head in the clouds and-
Hubby: Shhh!
Me: THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!! FIIIYAHHHH

@LostFelicia: I deserve a reward for backing out of my driveway without hitting one blade of grass, a sprinkler head, or a small tree.

@LostFelicia: My husband washed the dog with my expensive shampoo again. I sure hope that crate is big enough for both of them to sleep in tonight.

@LostFelicia: My husband referred to one of my freckles as an age spot. Details to come on a candlelight vigil held in his honor.

@LostFelicia: I asked my husband if he liked the song "#1 Crush" and he said it's garbage, and then I said "yeah, but do you LIKE it?" because he has no clue who sings it and I'm annoying af.

@LostFelicia: I have friends close enough to finish my sentences, but if they keep doing that, I will hang up on them.

@LostFelicia: And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like - Never just be yourself. There's something wrong with you.