I just lived without power for 6 straight days. Hurricane Helene tricked me into camping for a week and I am not amused.
This lady just ordered a turkey sub with no bread & the deli lady said, “so you want a salad?” The lady said, “no, a sub without bread.” So to be annoying I asked for a salad just like hers. If looks could kill, I wouldn’t be telling y’all this.
I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.
I love it when someone texts “come on, your a smart girl” in a condescending manner and totally misses the irony of it. I am smart, but you’re* not.
I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.
I said it was okay to come by my house. I didn’t say you could stop.
When Dorothy told the scarecrow she’d miss him most, I wanted the lion and tin man to set him on fire. I told my parents that, in case they got any ideas about showing favoritism.
Let’s talk about my ability to hold a grudge. Back in ’78, a friend of mine bought me an album by The Rolling Stones, but she opened it and recorded it first. To this day, I refer to her as “Kathy, you know, the one that opened that album…”
One day your kids will come home from school and ask why you spelled their name wrong.
My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.
According to my scales, there could be four wolves inside of me.
They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself.
Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.
I wouldn’t walk 500 miles and then walk 500 more for anyone. I’d drive across town though maybe.
There was a time I thought Radiohead was saying “I’m a creep, I’m a widow” and one day I heard someone sing the right word and well, only a freakin’ weirdo would think widow makes sense there, right.