@LoveNLunchmeat: "Change is good," I explain to my daughter as I carefully apply the same color lipstick I've been wearing since I was 15 years old.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Everybody looks down on Pinterest until they need a good recipe for homemade organic edible panties.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I could die climbing Mount Everest or I could die sitting on my couch eating Tostitos and I think we all know which one is preferable.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I don't really argue with people. They just all end up washing ashore miles away under mysterious circumstances.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Daughter: Mommy, where does lightning come from?
Me: Well sweetie, when you don't clean your room, the universe gets very very angry...
@LoveNLunchmeat: I'd like to say the best moment of a woman's life is giving birth, but it's actually seeing an old nemesis & realizing she got really fat.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Years and years of periods are how women got so good at cleaning up after murders.
And I've said too much.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Three seasons into Game of Thrones, and I still can't figure out why all the characters are named after psychiatric meds.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm automatically suspicious of anyone who seems to really like me. From now on I want to see nothing but tepid enthusiasm from you, Sunshine.