@LuvPug

I just ate some leftover mashed potatoes out of my hair, and I don’t even remember having mashed potatoes

@LuvPug

I don’t know which meme to get my news from today

@LuvPug

I’m voting for whoever my cat thinks I should and my vote counts just as much as yours

@LuvPug

I’m jealous of Eminem because my mom never made me spaghetti

@LuvPug

We all started out as eggs here.
Apparently, some just end up cracking.

@LuvPug

Dr: How are your new pills working?
Me: I cry, eat & want to sleep a lot
Dr: Those are common side effects
Me: Oh. They’re working fine then

@LuvPug

If you have to ask me if I want more cheese I’m just gonna assume you were dropped on your head as an adult.

@LuvPug

Distance doesn’t matter.
You can make someone miserable from anywhere.

@LuvPug

Him: *being flirty* I wish we met when we were young enough to still ruin each other’s lives

Me: *flirting back* I can still ruin your life

@LuvPug

If you lick me, I taste like vodka.

Okay, I taste like a potato, but still…