People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.
In an alternate universe you just escaped from a research facility.
IT guy: How much Internet do you need?
My folks: 10,000
Sure sex is great, but have you found an awesome clean washroom when you desperately had to pee?
“I am almost there, keep your computer on”, windows updates probably.
You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.
My kid: mumma today we met our teacher’s teacher. Our grand-teacher.
Them: what kind of friend are you?
Me: idk Phoebe maybe
This meeting could have been a pajama party.
gonna boost my morale by cracking jokes in front of my juniors
Therapist: what do we do when we are angry?
Me: we yell at people and then apologise later
Therapist: what do you need me for?
A holiday of 20 days, 6 countries and the first thing my kid says after being back is “ah I have missed my own toilet”.
Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?
“What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?”
I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.