What did one elevator say to another?
Am gonna level with you
Parenting is being woken up at midnight to answer “mumma if sharks don’t have bones how do they have skeletons?”
Me: You shifted your bar to the rooftop from the basement?
Him:
Him: Yes, I raised the bar.
Is it still ‘breakfast’ if you have had midnight snacks in four equal intervals before you woke up formally?
Does a UFO remain an UFO once you identify it as a UFO?
My kid can name 32 crayon colours but when I ask what colour was that car that backed into our’s he’ll say “a bit like my yesterday’s poop”
People be all walking and sneezing openly like it is 2019
Shoutout to all those whose life is full of “I shouldn’t have done that”
The one time I typed “the” correctly autocorrect changed it to tge
Me: You want to explain to me your presentation before you do it in class?
Kid: No mumma it will take too long for you to understand.
A shout out to all those who remember the keys of the house only after shutting the door.
Teacher: What were Romans doing in year 400
Me: IDK, Roming?
Teacher: What were Romans doing in year 400
Me: IDK, Roming?
Me *secures my kid’s seat belt*
My kid: Are we there yet?
I am not a pro at mind games, so I will be direct and ask, “are you or are you not going to offer me snacks?”