You had me at “define legal”.
Appears Hallmark doesn’t make a card for Condolences to a hot widow, for the untimely death of her elderly husband, under somewhat suspicious circumstances, and who may in fact be a person of interest.
I’m not flirting with disaster, I’m just Liking her selfies.
If I answer my phone and you ask for me by my full name, there’s a 100% chance we’re about to be disconnected.
Jokes on you DUI Checkpoint, we can no longer afford to drink AND drive.
If by “interests” you mean vices, then sure, I have several outside interests.
Never take legal advice from anyone named Sparkles.
You people that disappear on weekends like you have something better to do, you’re not fooling anyone, we all know you’ve doing Community Service.
Tweet like you’ll never run for public office.
Jokes on you, I still have a stockpile of toilet paper from the Mayan Calendar Apocalypse.
I thought that was the most idiotic thing I’d ever heard, until you explained it… now it’s the second most idiotic thing.
Hear me out!
A Terms & Conditions, written entirely in emojis.
Obviously if someone’s in your trunk, the carpool lane is an option.
I sure have purchased an inordinate amount of ringtones, for someone who keeps their phone on Silent.
Who ya gonna believe babe… me or some random police report.
Annnnd that’s how the fight started.