Hurricane heading this way guys, may lose power & cell service for awhile, so if I should happen to disappear, don’t buy the media’s bullshit, I was not abducted by aliens or taken on a cross country crime spree by some Hooter’s Waitresses… I don’t have that kinda luck.
It’ll never work, we have very different definitions of words like talented, celebrity, amazing and intelligent.
There’s 2 types of people in this world, the people who proofread their Tweets, and the rest of us.
Well if you’re here … then who’s in Loch Ness?
Annnnd that’s how the fight started.
Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t wanna talk about it.
I hope you don’t feel as bloated as you look.
Annnd that’s how the fight started.
Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.
Apparently, “I’m not circumventing your authority, I’m just trying to get around it”, was not the answer HR was looking for.
I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes, that the relationship had hit some turbulence.
Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you.
“Awww…. you’re so sweet”.
No seriously, first my hoodie disappears, then my phone charger vanishes, and now my AirPods have vaporized.
According to my accountant, I’ll have to postpone my trip to Australia until the continents drift back together.
Neighbors act like they’ve never seen someone wearing a bath towel, chasing after a Garbage Truck before.
While Twitter was down yesterday, I managed to finish my book report on War and Peace…. of course it was due in 1978, but that’s not really relevant here.
Sorry if you feel foolish, but that’s how sarcasm works… Einstein.
The voices are having a huge argument tonight, I’m just hoping to fall asleep before the rational one drags me into it.