@Mardigroan

It’s your choice. Instead of resting bitch face you could call it irritable scowl syndrome.

@Mardigroan

When a Star Trek baddie suffers cardiac arrest, and you have defibrillator paddles right there, what do you do? Shock a Khan. Shock a Khan.

@Mardigroan

So much has changed in such a short period of time. But whoa is still spelled whoa.

@Mardigroan

My younger daughter has been in her bedroom looking at screens the last three years and I have forgotten her first name.

@Mardigroan

I get home and change from casual Friday duds into even more comfortable clothes. Now I just look like melted cheese.

@Mardigroan

How do I mute or block this account called “Promoted?”

@Mardigroan

I accidentally ate the sticker on an apple. The scan code is inside me and there’s now a beep every time I check out at the grocery store.

@Mardigroan

Microwave safe? It doesn’t seem like a sensible place to keep your valuables.

@Mardigroan

You know those books that sit there unread on your night stand? Take them with you on vacation so they can remain unread in a sunny locale.