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Page of Mardigroan's best tweets

@Mardigroan : How do I mute or block this account called "Promoted?"

@Mardigroan: I accidentally ate the sticker on an apple. The scan code is inside me and there's now a beep every time I check out at the grocery store.

@Mardigroan: *opens fridge door, looking for friends *

@Mardigroan: Microwave safe? It doesn't seem like a sensible place to keep your valuables.

@Mardigroan: You know those books that sit there unread on your night stand? Take them with you on vacation so they can remain unread in a sunny locale.

@Mardigroan: You're right autocorrect. Much is gracias.

@Mardigroan: I asked my doctor if this heavily advertised, extremely ineffective medicine with many frightening side effects might be right for me.

@Mardigroan: No Kevin, a carburetor is not someone who ate a lot of carbs.

@Mardigroan: Popeye was heart healthy because he liked to eat spinach and Olive Oil.

@Mardigroan: Nature abhors a vacuum. And dogs. Dogs also abhor a vacuum.